Wednesday, June 6, 2012

bad karma???

So not even 24 hours after I started thinking about how to cheat on my boyfriend, we get word that one of his daughter's mothers, who is dying of cancer, is getting worse. 4 months ago she was given 6 months to live and after today they don't feel comfortable giving any time line for living. So now we are trying to plan a way to get him to Florida to see her and their daughter before she passes. They all need some time to get some peace with everything. And even though it's an awful situation, I keep thinking how it leaves me open to have him come over any night. I feel awful about even thinking about it. But he gives me a whole refreshed energy and I'm more active, happier and just generally a better person. It even makes me a better more loving boyfriend. Not fake like when I was cheated on, I could smell the fakeness.
I just wish I could have my cake and eat it too.

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