It's my life

So tonight my kitchen sink backed up because my garbage disposal is clogged. My landlord who hates me cuz we are always late with rent and brought bed bugs into his building is now working on it. Then some hose in the van came undone and won't stay fixed long enough for us to get paid!

It's seriously one thing after another. I keep trying to just chug forward, but it gets harder and harder every day. For so long things went well, or at least nothing breaking and no crisis'. I don't know what it all means. What we are supposed to do. I don't know what God is trying to tell me.

When this real estate thing came along it seemed like God was throwing it my face and then my mom's as well. Like it was meant to be. But why would something that is meant to be have so many obstacles just to be able to work on it. Or is it punishment for not making good use of the time I had to work on it.

I just want a good life for my kids. I want to be happy and spend time with them. I want them to have a life I could only dream about. I know I can do whatever it takes, so why is so hard to do it?

I'm so depressed lately, I don't know why. I was so sad all day today for no reason what so ever. I just can't shake it. I don't think it has anything to do with Pete, but sometimes I do wonder...

Ignorance is bliss?

So one old man living in our apartment building found out we have bed bugs, only cuz we have been throwing out our beds and couch by the dumpster, which is next to his garage. He's been calling the landlord to have him remove our things. Yesterday morning he went off on Pete about us putting our things there. Then yesterday afternoon we found out that he was telling our neighbors not to let their kids play with ours because we are dirty and have bed bugs. So far it seems that it's not keeping other kids from playing with ours, but I'm very concerned about what people think of me and my kids.

I realize this old man has nothing better to do than talk poorly about us, but does he not realize how telling people that could effect our kids who are innocent in all this?

Some of my insecurities about it is that it'll get back to Chris. I don't want him to know we have them. I'm also worried about what's gonna happen when our lease is up at the end of the month. We've not been the best to Dallas, but we also have no where to go. I'm also concerned cuz Chris did give me a good reference to Dallas so I could move in. So much on my mind, I'm just ready to have my life go right, al least for a little while.

still bugging out...

It's been a crazy busy week. Haven't gotten hardly any cleaning done, but I have Monday off and will be doing massive amounts of cleaning while I have the house to myself. These things are nasty! We finally through Aric's bed away and it was so disgusting, bugs everywhere!

Yesterday I decided to take a 48 hour break from the real estate business. I just needed time to think and come back at everything with a clear mind.

So many things are going on, I don't know what path I'm supposed to be on, but I'm trying to find it.

completely disgusted!

We have BED BUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All of our family has been getting bitten for a month or so now, we've thrown out beds and cleaned bedding. Doctors that have seen the bites have all said they aren't bed bugs. Then we found our 1/2 bath covered in carpenter ants and thought we had the problem figured out. We cleaned again and sprayed everywhere for the ants.

But we were still getting bitten. Tonight my landlord told me it was bed bugs and pretty much said it was are problem. While sitting on the couch I felt itchy everywhere and was going insane. So I finally pulled out the couch to take a look behind it...and along the seam on the back of the couch was the spots that I saw online that were the fesses, or blood spots from the bugs. And even worse, bugs themselves! The first thing I did was get a glass jar and put some of the bugs in the jar so I can have them looked at to see what they were, convinced that bed bugs were not visible to the naked eye.

After cleaning everything up from behind the couch and vacuuming up as many of the bugs that I could, I got online again and looked up more information on the bugs and saw that what we have ARE BED BUGS!

It's so embarrassing!!! I'm ashamed to tell anyone because I was convinced that they weren't. When the problem first started I was open to the idea and knew that it didn't mean we were dirty. But now that I've said it wasn't, I don't want to admit they are. The bigger problem is my landlord, but that's another story for another time.

I don't know what to do! We can't afford an exterminator and how do you live with 3 kids and have to have everything bagged up for months?

Right now I really need a real estate deal to go through! The best solution would be to buy almost all new things to put into a new place and treat the things we need to. Then gut this apartment for the landlord and clean everything to make all the bad we've done up to him.

I just wish that for once in my life something would go right. I have faith in this real estate thing, but I keep getting road blocks in my way. And I have to make this work to pay my mom back for what she has invested into our future. We deserve to do something this amazing and to live better than this! I'm ready to make this work, now if life would just give me something to work with instead of against.  

Finding my future

It was just 1 year ago that my life completely changed and it was heading for a whole new chapter.

Today there is a the biggest opportunity of my life to give me and my children the future we deserve.

This blog is here for me to talk about my thoughts and feelings about this life changing experience. And to get all things family off my chest. the last year has been completely crazy! I need to figure out what the future is supposed to be personally while I figure out how to advance in the business.

Here's to my future!